I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
