Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
