So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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