bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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