I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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