my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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