Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
