all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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