I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
