Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
