She is in my trunk
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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