hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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