hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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