I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
