how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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