let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
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I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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