Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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