If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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