I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
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