chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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