You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
