I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize