when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
