idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
whose ass print is on the piano?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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