It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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