You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
