I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
