THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
