so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
