I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
