Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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