Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
