Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
