This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
