Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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