bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
