So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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