I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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