fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
