Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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