Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
