you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
there is puke in my bra ... again
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