i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
