I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
