You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
