Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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