yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
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this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
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Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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