ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
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i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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