You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
