What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
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Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
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I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize