Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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