You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
