i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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