shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My breath smells like gin and sadness
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
