i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Help. Why am I so naked?
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