Cold hands, warm shart.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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