You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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