I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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