You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
