i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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