do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
