I CAN MOONWALK!
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
