So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
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