I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
