i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
there is puke in my bra ... again
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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