In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
